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VERY INSIGHTFUL THEORIES ON LIFE, LOVE, PANDESAL & IMBURNAL

Ayon kay Bob Ong

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala"

17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan"

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

The Best Version of You that I'll Find

Manila International Airport, 2:00 am.

It's been two years since she had last seen the Manila International Airport. Not much has changed. Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off. She was on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.

"Promise me something will you? Please don't get married until I come back?" She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack. "LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise me you won't run off with some nerdy economist in the next two years."

"Let's see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I'll call you as soon I get to New York."

That was her last memory in this place. The warm Manila air made her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited. This is the first time in two years she'll be seeing Miguel again. She was thoughtfully going through the immigration counters, thinking of how much she missed seeing Miguel. How different would he be now? Sure he sends her regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being the busy person that she had always been, she didn't get the time to chat with him and buy a web cam.

She's finally out. "Where is Miguel?" She wondered. "Ah there!" she exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan Patrol parked near the exit. TGW926. Yup, that's Miguel alright. Her heart was leaping ahead of her as the driver got off. "Hey! I missed you!" He said, as he hugged her.

"I missed you too. So much." She said, as she hugged him back. It was warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to feel his hug. "Let me get those." He said pointing at her luggage. "Then we'll have more time for hugging and chika."

"Okay."

Edsa, 4:30 am.

Miguel's cellphone rings. Mama, the name flashes on the screen.

"You should really get that."

"No, you should get that. She's been waiting for you. She insist that we go straight to her after I pick you up form the airport. She also insist that you spend tomorrow with her." Miguel was talking about her mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother wanted a daughter. She would often tell Bea that since she doesn't have a mom anymore, she should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She loved Bea as if she were her own daughter.

"Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you na po?... ah opo. Miguel already told me. Sige po. Okay po. I'll see you later." She turns off the phone and looks out the window. The phone rings again, this time the name "Sugar" flashes on the screen. Hmmm, "Sugar." He was quick. He got a hold of the phone and answered it. "Hello. Yeah. Pauwi na. I'm with her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We'll see you tomorrow."

We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See Sugar? Who is Sugar, anyway? "Who was that?" she couldn't keep herself from asking. "Sugar ha?"

"I'll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa bahay. By the way, kamusta na si Edward?" "Edward?"

"Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na iniwan mo sa New York? Anong klase ka ba naming girlfriend? Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh. Baka makalimutan mo rin ako."

"Ah si Edward. Hayun. New York." Miguel has met Edward when he came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit. He seems a nice guy. Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with. He is actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.

"He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of things about you. Parang may balak ata?"

"Balak na?"

"Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded like he was going to propose to you kasi."

"Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris."

At Tita Doris', 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar warm smile and two open arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na kita. Pinakain ka ba nito si Miguel?"

"Opo, Tita." She looked around. Not much has changed in this house. She remembers spending her college days in this house. She remembers sinking into Tita Doris' arms when her mom died. She remembers only good things about this woman. She can't remember a time when she had been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like her own mother.

"Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo 'wag padalos-dalos magdesisyon."

"Po?"

"Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I'll tell her everything tomorrow." Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.

"Ha? What was that all about?" Bea was curious.

"Bukas na lang."

"Okay. Tita, if it's okay I'll go rest now." She hugged her, and proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed her carrying her luggage.

"Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?"

"Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here."

"Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na." They were both standing as the door to the guest room. "Alam mo, it's really good to be back in this house. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tita Doris' 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom. She was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice, cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita Doris.

"Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?"

"Sinundo si Sugar."

"Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako."

"Iha, I'll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is. Promise me something, though. Whatever happens you'll always be my daughter, Bea?"

She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious? "Opo naman."

"Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?"

Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring. She looked at Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer, Miguel showed up. With him is a woman she had not seen before. She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.

"Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea, Sugar, my fiancée." It felt as if somebody had thrown cold water on her. His what? Blood rushed to her head.She blushed. Her cheeks felt very warm. She couldn't swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per minute.

"Your what?" She looked at Miguel, blushing then suddenly white as with shock. "I'm sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise. Miguel has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails," she said as she looked at Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she was consoling her.

"Yeah, I got engaged. I'm keeping my promise. I'm getting married on Saturday. O di ba you're here so in essence I've kept my promise."

She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel and congratulated him. She even managed to tell Sugar "You got a catch here, girl. Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose." It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to it's next owner. In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she meant it. "He told me a lot of nice things about you." Sugar said, smiling at her as if they had been friends for the longest time.

"I'm sure he has."

Lunch was served. All of Bea's favorite Filipino dishes. She and Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea's and Miguel's college photos and yearbooks. She found out that Sugar likes most of the things she does. They both came from the same high school. As she tried to get to know Sugar better during their afternoon chat, she realized that not only was she perfect for Miguel, she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could find. They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the tiara. They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same shops. She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together. Had it been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a great opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping needs. Except that this is not one of those days? Except that this woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel's fiancée.

Bea's phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.

"You should really get that" Sugar told Bea.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I'm good. I'm here at Miguel's. Oh have in front of me Sugar, Miguel's fiancee`." The words almost got stuck in her throat, but she still managed to give Sugar a smile. "Listen, I'll call you later. I have very good news for you."

Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking at them and asked "So tell me? Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?" Bea and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands. Miguel's gaze turned to Sugar. He answered "Of course not. Bea and I were never like that." "As in?" Sugar inquired. "LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to handle for me. I can't keep up with her. She's never stands still." Miguel looked at Bea and smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.

"I guess that's the way for you. But not for Edward." Bea replied, with a little hint of disappointment. "Okay lang yun. Edward is tough enough." Miguel was still smiling.

"Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him."

Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward. "Hello?
Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes."

*********

The wedding went well. It was one of the most elegant weddings she had seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing bride. "I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us." Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She slowly got up, walked away from the spectators. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

**********

Bea is once again on her way to the airport. Miguel is driving for her, this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.

"Hay, here we go again. I'm driving you to the airport. Kailan na naman kaya tao magkikita?"

"Ewan ko. Tell me something," her tone all too serious. "What was it that you love about Sugar? How did you know she was the one?" Miguel just smiled. "Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days diba?"

"You know what I love about her? The same things I loved about you before. The only difference is that she's not as ambitious as you are. When you left for New York two years ago, I knew I don't have a place in the life you've chosen. I don't blame you for that. You're good in your field and I thought to myself that it's your right to move on without me. Moving away was a decision you made for yourself. I know this sounds silly and you might nag me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar. She's so much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves me more than you do."

She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he witnessed him say his vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled a laugh. How could he move on without her? Why was it easy for him and not for her? As she got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug. This time she felt her heart heavy.

"I guess this is goodbye?" she told Miguel.

"Wait, I'm not letting you out until you answer question. Did Edward propose?"

Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a one carat diamond solitaire ring set in platinum. "Yes." Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As Miguel turned his gaze from the steering wheel to Bea's face, he saw a single tear fall from her right eye and then she said, "If it gives any consolation. Edward was the best version of you that I can find in New York."

------------

I'm so sorry for loving you.. but i can't help it.. I'm still getting over you..

How to CONTROL EMOTIONS

This would give you guides on how to control your emotions towards your better-half, friends, officemates and all the people around you, especially your "boss" . The rules of practicing "ugaling langit, ugaling kaaya-aya" :



1. Ang naunang magalit ang may karapatang magalit. Pag naunahan ka na ng galit niya, tumahimik ka na lang muna.



2. Walang taong nag-aaway mag-isa. Pag hindi kayo sumagot o pumatol, titigil din daw ang taong nakikipag-away sa inyo.



3. Ang taong galit, 'bingi.' If someone is angry, wala raw pinakikinggan, so, don't try to explain and fight back. Hindi ka niya iintindihin dahil wala siyang naririnig kundi ang sarili nya.



4. Ang taong galit, 'abnoy'. Ayon sa pastor, Biblical daw ito? because the Lord said when He was crucified, "Father, patawarin mo sila dahil hindi nila alam ang
kanilang ginagawa." Modern term for these kinds of people are abnoys, so you better not get angry para huwag kang matawag na abnoy.

You should also know and realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewels, because you need them for you to mature. Hangga't andyan daw sila at kinaiinisan mo, ibig sabihin, immature ka pa. God will not take away those people; it's for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You'll know na mature ka na pag dumating 'yung time na hindi ka na naiinis sa mga taong ito because you have learned to accept them and to have patience with them.



5. Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself na, because of this person, "I will grow mature," and that DAHIL SA CONTRIBUTION NIYA SA MATURITY MO, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD.

Software maker to exploit rise of "GREEN" architecture

By : Melvin G. Calimag

Source : MANILA BULLETIN, Sunday, February 18, 2007

The emergence of environment-friendly advocacies - think of Al Gore's hit movie documentary n global warming - is driving a number of industries, particularly the construction business, to turn to technology to create "green" structures that respect nature.

This is one area which Autodesk, the world's largest maker of design software, wants to capitalize as part of its strategy to make sustainable design a popular concept in the engineering and construction industry.

The California-based company has a firm faith on the concept of sustainable design that it has conducted a yearly "Green Index" survey that measures the adoption of green building practices in the US.

In its 2006 survey, 77 percent of the respondents indicated that client demand is the top driver for architects to practice sustainable design, up from 64 percent in 2005's Green Index. In last year's survey, customer demand was tied with fuel costs as leading drivers for the adoption of green buildings practices.

Emmanuel Samuel, sales executive director for building solutions at Autodesk Asia Pacific, said in a recent visit to the Philippines That buildings are actually monsters to the environment.

Next to transportation, buildings are the greatest contributor to environmental degradation as they produce 30 percent of the world's greenhouse gas emissions and consume 36 percent of the world's total energy requirements.

What's more, the executive stressed, the planning alone of a typical $100million building - if done via the traditional way - generates about 150,000 paper documents.

"Just imagine the negative effect that these things bring to the environment. Are we building today something that will harm our children? That is the question that we should ask," Samuel said.

By going "green" through sophisticated design software, architects and construction firms can do their part in preserving the environment, he said.

Aside from reducing the impact of natural resource consumption, Samuel said adopting a "green" policy can also help builders improve their bottom-line, enhance occupant's comfort and health, and minimize strain on local infrastructure.

"There's a lot of waste going around. It's time that architects be held more accountable for their work," he said. "It's time for the role of the architect to change - for them to become green architects and put environmental factors in their design."

According to Samuel, his company's Revit (short for revise instantly) can simulate wind flow and shadow analysis for use of natural light. It can also simulate earthquakes and floddwaters in preparation for these natural disasters.

The Revit's BIM (building information modeling) feature allows the automatic of construction requirements including the tiniest details, he added.

Despite its availability now, Samuel acknowledged that the Revit platforms has yet to gain a bigger user base in the country though a limited number of local construction firms are already using it.

"If you buy it today, you won't become productive overnight. It has a learning curve. But once you learn how to use it, its effect on your work will be exponential.

Samuel said the challenge for Autodesk is to make sure the local construction industry has enough knowledge on "green" architecture.

"But I don't really this as a problem since Filipinos are technically sound and have strong 3D adoption."

THE GENDER GAP INDEX

In global battle of the sexes, there remains a gap but Philippines has bridged it.

By DAVID CLARKE

LONDON (Reuters) - No country in the world has achieved equality of the sexes in the key areas of education, health, employment and politics, according to a new ranking of 115 nations published here.

Sweden has gone farthest in eliminating inequality between men and women, followed by Norway, Finland and Iceland.

The Philippines is the only Asian country in the top 10 and the United States comes in at 22. Yemen ranks at bottom.

The ranking, called the Gender Gap Index, covers 90 percent of the world's population and was compiled by researchers from Harvard University, the London Business School and the World Economic Forum.

"For the first time the gut instincts that many of us have are backed up by statistics," said Cherie Booth, the wife of British Prime Minister Tony Blair, and a human rights lawyer.

"There's no way the gender gap between men and women has been eliminated," she said at the launch of the index.

The index measures gaps between men and women in four areas: economic participation and opportunity, educational attainment, health and survival and political empowerment.

By quantifying differences between the sexes in access to resources or opportunities, rather than measuring absolute levels, the researchers sought to strip out the impact of economic development.

For economic participation, for example, the researchers measured the proportions of men and women in work, pay gaps and the ratio of women to men among legislators, senior officials and managers.

The study shows the gender gap for health and survival is very narrow across the world. Based on a score of 1 meaning full equality and 0 a complete lack of equality, the range for all 115 countries is just 0.9796 to 0.9227.

But when it comes to political empowerment - the ratio of women to men in parliament, ministerial positions, and the heads of state over the past 50 years - the best performer is Sweden with a score of 0.5501 but Saudi Arabia is last with zero.

The Nordic countries benefitted from a higher proportion of women in political office than many and this is the measure that hits the American ranking, despite its good scores elsewhere.

"Women have been empowered to participate in the labour force, but not in politics," said Ricardo Hausmann from Harvard University, one the authors of the report.

The Philippines scored well across the board and is one of only five countries to have closed the gender gap for both health and education.

The others are Dominican Republic, France, Honduras and Lesotho. France, however, only comes 70th in the ranking. It falls down on both the economic participation and political empowerment ranking.

South Africa is the best performer in Africa coming in at 18.

Source : MANILA BULLETIN, Sunday, January 14, 2007

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.


Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.


QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.


QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions.

1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". "So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?" Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.


QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.


QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.


In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.


HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?


These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.


None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.


Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.


Though fate won't always do what we desire; still, we can set the world on fire.

Three Word-Phrases That Can Enrich Every Relationship

There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships. Yet the most effective involves the saying of just three words. When spoken or conveyed, these statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled.

The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'll be there. If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there."Being there for another person is th e greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I miss you. Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I respect you. Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

Maybe you're right. This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe your right" is the humility of admitting, "maybe I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

Please forgive me. Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I thank you. Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

Count on me. A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."

Let me help. The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I understand you. People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. This applies to any relationship.

Go for it. We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."

I love you. Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. "I love you."

GOD BLESS YOU! (These are 3 words too, right?)

8 Ways To Handle An Argument

Let's face it, no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful of a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while. With a few tips though, it doesn't have to be something that can harm your relationship. The next time you feel an argument starting to form keep in mind these 8 ways to handle an argument!

1. Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concerns.
I'm sure you hate it when people interrupt you; give your partner the same respect -- even if you don't agree with what they are saying.

2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when in fact you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand what they are saying, you'll find a way to end the argument far more quickly.

3. Don't say something you'll regret later.
Always consider your relationship like a glass. It is sturdy, tough, beautiful and clear when taken care of, but if it is mistreated or mishandled it can end up scratched, cracked or even broken. Take care in choosing the words you say when you are in the heat of the moment.

4. Don't bring in past woes.
The past is the past... let it stay there. If you dwell on past occurrences, you'll never find a solution for the future your partner will feel less loved and respected, and you will always feel negatively towards your partner. People make mistakes. Give your partner the chance to recover from them, and encourage and support them when they make the right choices.

5. Learn to compromise.
If you can learn to compromise, you'll find yourself in fewer disagreements. If you don't like something, then agree with your partner to find some middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternative solutions for things your partner doesn't like as well!

6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.
An argument is typically started because you want someone to agree with you about something. You think that the other person must not know all the facts, so you begin to explain it to them. The more your partner still disagrees with you, the more upset you usually get. But, if you realize that sometimes it is best to just let yourselves agree to disagree -- you'll show your partner that you not only respect their opinion, but respect their individuality as well. You never know, maybe later on they (or even you!) might change their mind.

7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
It's far too easy to run off and avoid your partner, or give them the silent treatment. Instead, make a commitment right now to each other to respect each other enough to work it out -- even if it takes all night. Nothing is unsolvable when you are working together to truly find a peaceful resolution.

8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
This does not mean bend over backwards for them or compromise your integrity. Just keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is your best friend, lover and soul mate. If you both keep that at the forefront of your mind in an argument, it will keep what matters most away from cruel words or intent -- your heart!


Finally, I leave you with one thought on preventing arguments. Let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore thinks they are over-reacting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don't let things build up until you explode.

The Hardest Things In Love :

1. Flashing your smile to someone you don't want to see.
2. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
3. Showing that you care.
4. Finding a way to mend a broken heart.
5. Learning that you've been used by someone you truly love.
6. Saying "i love you" when you mean it and when you don't
7. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
8. Realizing that you love somebody you've just taken for granted.
9. Realizing that you love the person you've just broken up with.
10. Waiting for promises you know he/she will never keep.
11. Saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
12. Reminiscing the good times you shared together.
13. Shielding your heart to love somebody.
14. Trying to hide what you really feel.
15. Having a commitment w/ someone that you know would not last.
16. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
17. Sharing the one you love w/ someone else.
18. Loving a person too much.
19. Giving up someone you never thought of giving up.
20. Falling in love for the first time.
21. Loving someone you haven't seen.
22. Having the right love at the wrong time.
23. Exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
24. Not being appreciated when you know you've given your best.
25. Taking the risk to fall in love again .
26. Hiding your relationship from someone else.
27. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.
28. Choosing between 2 persons whom you really love.
29. Finding out that you can never have the person you just let go of back.
30. Seeing the person you love with someone else.
31. Falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with.
32. Letting go of someone who was never yours...
33. Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one problem... he/she doesn't love you.
34. Giving your heart to someone who doesn't give a damn about you.
35. When the one you love doesn't even know you exist.
36. Pretending you're OK when inside you're dying.
37. Saying "I Love You" not knowing how the person will respond/reply
38. Keeping the feelings to yourself... and when you finally let it out, it's too late.
39. Having to listen to the one you love talk about the one he/she loves.
40. Staying friends even though you both know that you both have very strong feelings for one another.

an old article

The One That Got Away

By: Mark J. Macapagal
Source: The Manila Times, June 24, 2003

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with ... and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending with someone, finding a longtime partner that is does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter.

All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple ... find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "the one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

5 Laws of LiFE You Can Depend On

1. This too shall pass. Nothing stays the same. The only constant in life is change. With every decision we make, we initiate change. Even when we decide not to decide, life still goes on, and changes still occur. When we are in a state of discomfort, sadness, grief, or pain, we know that because life goes on, change will bring us some kind of relief. And because even comfort, happiness, and all good things also pass, we know that we need to appreciate and cherish each precious, fleeting moment.


2. Time heals. The timepiece of life never stops. Neither does it pause for those who celebrate, speed up for those who are impatient, nor slow down for those who fear tomorrow. Time ticks a regular rhythm that steadily brings new moments, new days, and new seasons. As time pushes forward, we take new steps, face new challenges, and create new opportunities. And as life goes on, we are forced to move past our episodes of disappointment, sorrow, or despair. More than anything else, time heals not just broken bones but broken hearts as well.


3. Ask and you shall receive. People won't know what you want unless you ask for it. Dreams and goals are just wishes until you act on them, and acting on them often requires that you ask for answers, for assistance, or for something tangible. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but when you come forward, only then will the world know what to give you. Just ask and know that miracles can happen.


4. You can have anything, but not everything. Life offers us infinite possibilities. With hard work, determination, and perseverance, we can achieve anything. If we are willing to pay the price and go the extra mile, we can have whatever our hearts desire. But no matter how hard we try, we can't have everything. Life is a balancing act of wins, losses, and trade-offs...we gain some and we lose some.


5. What goes around comes around. It's the universal law of nature: do to others what you want others to do to you, because whatever you sow, you reap; whatever you give, you get back ten-fold. It doesn't hurt to smile, or be kind, or extend a helping hand. You never know when or how, but every act of goodness always returns to the GIVER. Give one today and receive ten tomorrow.

HAPPINESS

Clinical psychologists believe that happiness is a product of realization. One must allow oneself to go through a process to feel happiness. They explain the following phase:

• Accept the Pains.

You must get in touch with your situation. Sometimes people deny their hardship, thinking that if they don't face them, they will be happier. But it's the other way around. Allow yourself to go through the pains.

• Choose Not to Stay in Pain.

They say this is "self-empowerment." You can either be bitter about the pains and feel very powerless. Or you can do something and feel powerful enough to handle them. It's a choice to live with or without pain.

• Forgive Yourself, Other People.

But before forgiveness comes in, think about how other people hurt. Then realize that you can see yourself for what you actually are and not how they want you to be.
So finding happiness is no longer rooted outside, but it's inside you? what you see, how you view things, what you want. Then it leads to your choice: to live your life with yourself.

• Take Responsibility for Your Life.

We sometimes allow ourselves to let other people, circumstances, or pains in the past to rule our lives. So we become very unhappy and very bitter because we live blaming others for who we are, where we're at, or how we should be. It's an exhausting process because you'll forever be blaming other people. Don't be bothered by what others think who you are or the standards they set. Take responsibility for your life.

• Learn to Let Go and Trust Yourself.

To be happy means learning to let go of expectations from yourself or from other people. You can't always have your way.
At work, you can't always be sure your strategies will work or your plans will happen. But before you let go, have a deeper trust in yourself.

• Learn to Receive Blessings.

Think of the little things that make you happy or the people that give you assurance where you're good at. This is called receiving. Most of us have reasons to be happy, only that we don't see them or we take them for granted. We need to have little eyes and little hearts too, and realize that all things that make us happy have been there all along.

• Have Somebody to Turn To.

Even if you're in turmoil, there are people who will support you. But often we stick with people who make us very unhappy. If you're unhappy, seek people who will nurture you or look for a partner who will serve as well-spring of inspiration.

• Be Hopeful.

Hoping is better than being optimistic since it's whole and real. Because sometimes, one's optimism can be denial of hardship. It's easy to be optimistic about things, but inside you, you're anxious about them. Hoping is deeper; it's something you look forward to even when you recognize the difficulties and pains. The more hopeful a person is, the more he recognizes how bad the situation is, and lets himself to bear it. In the end, he knows it will bear good results. You don't deny difficulties. You're touching ground instead.

• Keep the Faith Alive.

There'll be points in your life when you can't handle problems alone. Think about someone who's more powerful, and who loves you dearly to take care of you. Having faith in God will give you hope.

• You Can Actually Give Intangible Gifts Even Without Your Conscious Effort.

People will tell you later that you've helped them, and gradually, you will feel you're making difference in their lives. That's a deeper gift. When you help others, they affirm you by saying, "You're good." Then you realize that you're a good person and your goodness is not merely based on meeting deadlines or getting a raise.